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Sincere Deception Page 12
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“Hell yeah! I’d love to! Where would you like to meet up?”
“I can grab something from the liquor store. From there, we can chill at my place. Either that, or I’ll come to yours.”
“I can come to yours. I’m sick of looking at this damn condo anyway. Let me get dressed. I’ll be there shortly.”
After ending the call with her, I hopped into my car and hustled to the liquor store on Perry Street, which was about five minutes away. Not long after, I threw the two small bottles of Tequila inside my trunk, and then continued to my home. Once there, I rushed up the stairs, and tossed my belongings into the closet. I snatched a cup out of the kitchen cabinet, filled it with ice, and poured myself a chilled drink. A little bit of alcohol in my system was exactly what I needed to take my mind off everything. Between the conflict at my dad’s party, the intense conversations with Avery, Jessica, and aunt Katrina, and me suddenly deciding to drop out of school—I was just about losing my mind.
After gulping the rest of my drink down, I poured myself another portion, and then proceeded into the living room. I grabbed the remote off the coffee table and turned on the television. I then removed my shoes and lied my aching feet across the sofa. Time was beginning to fade and the more I waited for my company to arrive, the more I wanted to drink. I ended up swigging an entire bottle by myself. When Jalisa showed up, she shouted, “Girl, I cannot believe you just sat here and drunk this whole damn bottle of Tequila!” She picked up the bottle, looked at it, looked at me, and then exhaled. “Something has got to be wrong with you.” She placed the bottle back down, then took a seat.
Right away, I sat up and adjusted my lazy posture, because by the look on her face, Jalisa wanted details and she wanted them much sooner than later.
I sighed before speaking. “I have never been so frustrated in my fucking life. I’m so tired of people trying to control me.”
“Who’s trying to control you?” she wondered.
“Everyone. My sister, my brother, my used to be friend… even my teacher. Every time I turn around, someone is trying to convince me to do something their way. Well, I don’t want to do anything someone else’s way. I want to do things my way.”
“Lord, Ava,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Is this about Lee and my brother again?”
“Part of it is about this shitty situation I’ve gotten myself into with Lee and John. But what’s pissing me off even more is the fact that my brother seems to think I’m a gold-digger.”
Jalisa laughed aloud as she shook her head. “I’m not gonna lie and tell you that you’re right to do what you’re doing. You’re having sex with Lee, you’re having sex with my brother. Most people would say that makes you a hoe. It’s not cute, nor is it safe. I’m not saying that I am taking sides with your family, but I’m not disagreeing with them either. They have a right to feel how they feel. They love you.”
“Please! Men sleep with several women all the time! Why is it that because I’m a woman, it’s considered wrong?”
“Ask yourself that question, Ava. I mean… if you had a daughter, and she was doing the same thing you’re doing right now… would you accept it?”
“No. No, I would not.”
“And why is that?”
“Because she’s my daughter. I would want my daughter to respect her body. I would never want to imagine her having sex with a man who doesn’t love and care about her—let alone two.”
“Well, that’s your answer. That is why it is so wrong for you to do it also. Be real with yourself, girl. You’re not made like these other chicks out here. You weren’t raised that way, nor does it come natural for you to let two different men fuck you within a twenty-four-hour time frame. You’re sitting here trying to force yourself to become something you’re not. You know it, your family knows it, and so do I.”
I couldn’t help but keep it real with myself. Jalisa was right; I was forcing this new identity on myself. I desperately wanted to run away from the pain I was feeling, so instead of dealing with it, I chose to become the exact thing I was running from—deception.
“I guess you’re right. But I can’t end things between Lee and John now. I mean, I’m already too deep into this situation.”
“No you’re not. Too deep would be getting knocked up by one of them and not knowing who the daddy is,” she said, laughing. “If you really want to cut it off with the both of them, all you gotta do is get it done.”
Not knowing what else to say, I cleared my throat and exhaled.
CHAPTER 15
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU NOT
The expensive cars, the fancy clothes, outings to tremendous restaurants—all of that was nice, but I didn’t need any of it. What I needed to do was end things between Lee and John before things got too messy. So as soon as Jalisa returned home, I got into my car and drove to Lee’s house. While riding, I contemplated on just what I was gonna say to him. Did I want to admit that I was also sleeping with his best friend, or did I simply want to tell him it was over? I thought.
When I arrived in front of his home, I didn’t go in right away. Instead, I turned off the car, took a few deep sighs, and sat there staring at his place like a strange stalker. Finally, I snatched my purse out of the passenger seat, and climbed out of the vehicle. As soon as I reached his front door, I took a few more breaths, and then rang the doorbell. Just a few seconds later, he opened the door. My heart started to pound immediately.
“I know I showed up unannounced; I apologize for that. But I really need to talk to you.”
“Oh…OK… come on in,” he replied, confused.
We strolled further into the living room and took a seat on the same couch. He then looked at me and smiled.
“You know, it always amazes me how you show up at my doorstep just in the nick of time. I was literally thinking about you right before you rang the doorbell, and I must admit… I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something also.”
“Oh, that’s interesting,” I said, dumb. “Well, since you brought it up… what’s on your mind?”
“I’ve been wrecking my brain for the last couple of days trying to decide if I should even bring this up. But now that you’re here, I am going to swallow my pride and come on out and say it.” He paused for a second, then cleared his throat. “Ava, I’m in love with you. Everything about you makes me tingle inside. Everything about you makes me want to become a better man. I feel alive when I’m with you. I feel save, powerful, lucky.” He paused again and cleared his throat once more. “I want to make this thing we got going on official. I want to make you my lady, and maybe one day, my wife.”
My entire body froze like ice. I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t breathe. Hell, I couldn’t even think straight. My mind was racing like a sports car, and my heart was trembling like a vibrator. I sucked in a deep lungful before talking. “I-I really was not expecting you to say that. But I’m glad you said it.” I pulled in another deep breath, and then released it slowly. “I’m in love with you too, and I was hoping you felt the same. I didn’t want to tell you how I felt only to be left feeling that way alone.”
He placed his hand gently against my face as he gazed into my eyes. I could feel his heart thumping through the touch of his hand, and looking closely, I could see tears forming from the corner of his eyes. It was then when I realized that this man was really in love with me. Before I could even say anything else, he took hold of my hand, stood up, and led us to his bedroom. Once there, he grabbed my face again and kissed my lips with passion. Stunned by his sweet aggression, I felt like I was floating. The way he touched me. The way he inhaled me. The way he grazed and gripped my inner thighs, had me shivering from head to toe.
After an intense back-to-back love session, I was exhausted. Still, however, I felt so guilty and disgusted with myself that I decided to throw my clothes back on and leave. Choosing not to wake him, I planted a kiss upon his lips prior to departing. As soon as I made it home, I grabbed my phone and called Jalisa.
&n
bsp; “Guess what?” I said as soon as she answered. “You won’t believe what the hell just happened.”
“What happened?”
“Girl, Lee threw the “L” word at me!”
“He told you he love you?”
“Yes! Yes, girl he did!”
“Well, what did you say? How did you respond?”
“I told him I love him back! I mean, what the hell was I supposed to do? Hurt him by sitting there in silence?”
Jalisa laughed so loud my ear started to itch.
“What’s so damn funny?” I questioned, slightly laughing back.
“Ava you’re crazy. You then sat there and told this man you love him knowing you don’t. Let’s just hope he doesn’t find out the truth, because if he does, he’ll probably never speak to you again.”
“Well, what do you think I should do? Should I go back over there and confess to him that I feel otherwise?”
“Girl, hell no! Why in the world would you drive back to that man’s house just to tell him you lied when you said you’re in love? That’s like telling lies on a job application, and then confessing the truth after you’re hired! Look… what you need to do is lay low. Don’t be so quick to be all up in that man’s face—especially now that he has expressed his true feelings for you.”
“So, in other words you are suggesting that I dodge him. How the hell do you suppose I do that?”
“I’m not saying you should avoid him necessarily. But if you really don’t feel the same way he does, why spend tons of time with him only to make him fall for you more?”
“I don’t know what to do, girl. I mean… I don’t want to hurt him in any way. It’s bad enough that I’ve been fucking his best friend for the last few months. If he finds out about that, not only would I have broken his heart, but he’d never want to speak to me again.”
“I can tell you what I think you should do, but at the end of the day, you’ve got to do what feels right to you. If you think it would be best to be honest and come clean about what’s been going on, do that. If you think it would be best to keep your damn mouth shut while continuing to play the role, do that. Besides… I wouldn’t stress too much about it anyway, because as far as guys like him are concerned, he could be telling another chick he’s in love with her too. You never know.”
“Do you think he would do that? Do you think he’d lie to me about being in love?”
“You did, didn’t you? You lied to him about being in love, and you also haven’t told him you’re sleeping with his best friend. If you can lie, what makes you think he can’t?”
“I guess you’re right. There may be a possibility that he’s playing games. But he surely did seem sincere.”
Switching the subject, she asked… “If you were sure, Ava… If you actually knew without a doubt in your mind that Lee was in love with you, wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, and be with you and you only… would you choose to let your guard down and give him your all?”
“I honestly don’t know what I want. One moment, I am certain I want to become married and have children with a picket fence. Other times, I just can’t see that in my future. I’ve been lied to and cheated on so many times, I simply just don’t trust anyone. My heart has been broken and shattered into a thousand pieces.” I paused, then sighed. “Love used to be something I strongly believed in. But now… now it’s just a word. So to answer your question, the answer is no. If I knew without a doubt that Lee wanted to make me his only, I would not give him my all. I wouldn’t know how to.”
“Well, now that you know you have no intentions on keeping this man in your life, I’m sure you’ll know exactly what you should do next.”
My heart was opposed. I wanted to let Lee go for his own sake, but at the same time, I had gotten so used to having him in my life, I didn’t want to end things. I couldn’t imagine him not being there. I needed to take some time to think about what I wanted to do, and how I planned to do it. I had no other choice.
CHAPTER 16
CAUGHT
It was April Fools’ Day under a dark blue sky, tiny white stars twinkling, and a wonderful view of Hahana beach—I could not help but admire Lee’s efforts to put a smile on my face. As he sat there acknowledging how gorgeous I looked, all I could do was feel guilty regarding my past actions. Not only that, but my phone would not stop vibrating, so finally, I snatched it out of my purse to see who was calling. It was John. Immediately, I declined the call, then turned my focus back on Lee.
“So where were we?” I asked, sliding the phone back inside my purse.
“I was just about to tell you how beautiful you look, again.”
I blushed, and then sipped my cocktail. “Well, thank you. You look great yourself.” I took another glance around my surroundings and sucked in a breath. “This place is truly beautiful. Thank you for setting this lovely night out for us.”
“No problem. My only mission is to see you happy. I’ve been wanting to do something special to express my appreciation for you… but with my hectic schedule, it’s been very difficult.”
“Oh, it’s ok. I understand. You didn’t have to do any of this during your spare time, so I definitely feel appreciated.” I let off a nervous smile, then quickly took another swig of my drink.
“Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself. I was also wondering if you were interested in spending the night with me. I was thinking that we could get a nice hotel room with a Jacuzzi—”
Feeling the vibration from my phone hitting against the table again, I reached for the phone once more, and noticed that this time, John had sent a text message. The text was nearly a paragraph long, and in that paragraph, he stated: I need to see you as soon as possible. When you’re done doing whatever it is you’re doing, give me a call. I’ve noticed you’ve been distant. Please do not ignore me. I have to head to the bar tonight, so I’ll be home for the next few hours. You should stop by.
Choosing to ignore his demands for the moment, I switched the device completely off and lied it flat amongst the table.
I said, “Excuse me for that interruption. Where were we?”
“I was just about to invite you to a romantic night at one of Cincinnati’s exclusive hotels. What do you think?”
As much as I wanted to leave that beautiful restaurant and head to an extravagant hotel, I knew I had unfinished business that needed to be tended to. “I’d love to spend the night with you, Lee… but I promised my sister that I’d babysit. Rain check?”
“Yeah… yeah, absolutely. That’s fine,” he responded with a look of disappointment. “Maybe sometime next week would work?”
“Sure. Next week sounds perfect.”
It didn’t take us long to consume our meals, but afterwards, we took some time to just enjoy the view and breeze of the atmosphere. After about an hour or so, Lee drove me back to my place. Once there, he turned off the car, walked over to my side, and opened the door for me. He then walked me in front of my building and planted a passionate kiss upon my lips.
Gazing into my eyes as he spoke, he said, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I released a faint smile, turned away, and walked inside the building.
As soon as I was sure he was gone, I fled back down the stairs, dived into my vehicle, and sped to John’s house. When I got there, I called and told him to buzz me in. Five minutes later, I rushed inside incredibly out of breath.
“Why the hell does it look like you just ran a marathon?” he said as soon as he saw me.
“Well, I did just rush here,” I replied, pushing him aside trying to avoid his kiss. I walked towards the couch and took a seat. “Sit down. We need to talk,” I ordered.
Surprisingly, he obeyed my demand and took a seat. Wearing a confused expression, he just sat there and stared at me.
Finally, I decided to speak. “I didn’t come here because you asked me to. I’m only here because I need to tell you something that I think you deserve to know.” I paused for a moment, then
sighed. “Lee is in love with me. He wants to make things official between him and I, and at this point, I feel that it is necessary for me to make a decision—”
“Are you ending this thing between us?” he said, interrupting me.
“I don’t know exactly. I mean, I really just don’t know. We were never actually official, and neither was Lee and I. But somehow along the way, Lee has caught feelings for me; this was not expected. He wasn’t supposed to fall, but now that he has, I don’t know what to do.”
“Maybe you should tell him that you’ve been fucking his best friend. I’m sure that’d keep him away.”
“Why the hell would I ever consider that as an option, John? Why? I mean, are you not afraid that this whole situation will ruin your friendship with him?”
“To be honest, no… I don’t care. He and I have been juggling the same women for years. So why should this break our bond simply because he decided to fall in love with the chick he was only supposed to be sleeping with?”
“What does that supposed to mean?” I asked angrily.
“It simply means that we don’t fall in love with the women we sleep with. Look… I already told ya, Ava. I’m not gonna lie to ya. If I have intentions on being with a woman exclusively, she’ll know that because I’ll tell her. If that never comes out of my mouth, well, it’d be safe to assume I’m just interested in a few fucks. I mean, don’t get me wrong… I like you. I think you’re a great gal… but our bond is as simple as something like friends with benefits. I like ya personality, but I ain’t trying to marry it.”
Trying not to appear as pissed as I actually was, I sighed, and then swallowed hard. I tried to resist the urge to speak my mind, but the more I tried, the more impossible it became. I closed my eyes as I let a few tears fall. I then opened them and focused my attention back on John. “I can’t stand men like you. I mean, I guess the only thing I can appreciate about you is the fact you’ve told me nothing but the truth. You’re nothing like my coward ex-boyfriend. His lying ass couldn’t tell the fucking truth if his life depended on it. He cheated on me. The same day he placed a kiss upon my lips and told me he was in love, was the same day I caught him in my bed with another woman. The exact same day.” I took a second to grasp my breath, then continued. “You know… I don’t even know if I should believe Lee. He’s probably lying about being in love. He’s probably somewhere fucking some other bitch right now. You men are not to be taken seriously, nor trusted.”